Strictly High End: Turks and Caicos

A vacation, or visit to a renown vacation spot by a business traveler like myself is never really complete without getting a taste of the local flavor. As you can imagine, my visit to Turks and Caicos would be no different. This trip was so highly anticipated that my boss probably could've sent me here with marching orders to work at the sanitation facility (aka The Dump) and I would've gladly gone. I had seen the pictures and I had heard the tales of wretched excess from the Entertainment Tonight/Access Hollywood crowd as well as the hip-hop set.

Young H-O pitch the yay faithful
Even if they patrol I make payroll
Benz paid fo', friends they roll
Private jets down to Turks and Caicos

Jay-Z from What More Can I Say on The Black Album

I was going to be all about the poppin' bottles with models and the larger steaks on large estates. I mean, a movie star is the first lady for cryin' out loud! (Well, maybe "star" is a bit strong. She's a good lookin' actress well known by the BET set). Oh yeah, and I was going to work too. Well, if you're up on your D's Daily ( and ) you already know how that went.

So I was a little mis-informed, but let's not dwell on that. Instead, let's spend some time talking about the very accomplished expatriate chefs and restauranteurs that have done quite a remarkable job in bringing some world class dining experiences to this tiny island. There are reportedly more than 100 restaurants, cafes, beach bars and bistros on Providenciales alone. By the way, the locals call it Provo and its the capital of Turks and Caicos.

A definitive local cuisine shall remain a mystery for now, but as you can imagine for an island, seafood is very available. Like the Bahamas, Conch is very much available with every meal. I had no shortage of spectacular meals in this very chic resort community, so without further adieu, I'll give you the day by day rundown.

I started each day at the Seaside Cafe, which was my hotel's(Ocean Club West) seaside/poolside restaurant. The very friendly staff was always ready to whip up some eggs, french toast, or pancakes on the double.
Since daylight was scarce given my work schedule, I was usually coming from my morning jog on the beach when I placed my order here. In the evenings, they had various happy hour themes and even some live music under the starlight. It wasn't the island vibe that I was looking for however (one night it was a one-man-band playing an electric piano and covering everything from Van Morrison to Al Jarreau to Barry Manilow, and a "unique" version of Eric Clapton's Lay Down Sally that I haven't been able to get out of my head since...aaaaarrrgh! ) so I rarely hung out longer than it took me to devour an order of conch fritters and suck down a rum punch or a Heineken.

The only reasonably priced meal that I ate during my 8 days in Provo was the very first one at Hemingway's On the Beach. Every other meal absolutely broke the bank, but at least the food was very good. Hemingway's does salads, sandwiches and burgers very well, and with a view to die for. You'll notice that will be a common theme here. The seating is largely outdoors, except for a few tables near the little open-air room by the bar. I was amused by the fact that the people that had sat near me on the plane were at an adjacent table. All of us feigned indifference, pretending not to notice one another and blend in as if all of this decadence were old hat.

My client, Jeff, was a great source for information during my 8 days in paradise. Almost immediately he let me in on a little secret amongst the residents of this place. Discussing something as trivial as the weather is pointless in Turks and Caicos. The weather is ALWAYS good and it almost never rains (except for 2 of the 8 days that I was around...go figure). "So we talk about the food," Jeff explained. There is an amazing dining experience to be had nightly. In the resort part of town, this is an understatement. Nearly everything is a five-star establishment, or at least similarly priced. Jeff knew this and made sure to ease me in slowly. We'd usually talk about the day's work and maybe what we hoped to get accomplished the next day until we reached Governor's Road (where mine and many other hotels reside) and then he would go deep in though trying to decide where I should eat that night. The first night that we were not in the office burning the midnight oil and eating pizza or chinese food, he sent me to a place called Coco Bistro.

Hidden down a little dirt driveway and surrounded by palm trees, Coco Bistro looked unassuming enough. From the outside it was a quaint little brightly-colored house with some rocks creating a pathway to the front door. Once inside, it doesn't look like much but a bar with a very small dining area until you realize that this is actually just the waiter's and bus boy's station. The dining area is outside under a canopy of coconuts, palm trees, and starlight that is perhaps one of the most romantic settings you can imagine. I was dining alone, but this was not lost on me as they set the white napkin on my lap and handed me a menu. For some reason, I was in the mood for something mildly Italian, so I had some scallops and pasta. Absolutely delicious! I was sure that Jeff sent me here as a warm-up, so I tried not to overdo it and promised myself that I would come back again to try something else from the menu (but I didn't get the chance).

My next experience was Grace Bay Club's Anacaona. As with most locales on this island, this place could be summed up in one word: Spectacular. Dining alone again, I sat at the 90 foot long Infiniti Bar that seems to continue right on into the water where I could still order from the restaurant's full dinner menu. The outdoor dining area (again, not a risk here since it rarely rains) was outlined by tiki torches which were quite striking as they accompanied the moon in dimly lighting the white table-clothed settings. Another nice visual touch were the brightly colored, yet elegant chairs. The appetizers here were too enticing to skip and I even lost my composure and ordered two of them in the Conch Chowder (made with cherry pepper and aged rum) and Crab Assortment (blackened Alaskan King crab with tomato marmalade, lump crab tempura, and king crab salad with creole salsa). I opted against wine and instead indulged in one of their specialty rum-based cocktails. At a bar like this, how could you not order something? For my entree, I went to an old standby, Chilean Sea bass, that chefs Joel Rheaume and Eion Laird clearly "put their foot in". (For those of you not familiar with that phrase from African American Southern vernacular, that means they really did a fine job in cooking it to perfection and it was quite tasty.) I had been warned about the dessert and made sure to save room. Let's not kid ourselves, anytime somebody has a warm chocolate centered cake that brings back fond memories of the Godiva chocolate cake at Mortons, I'm all in...whether you have to air lift me out of there or not. This one did not disappoint.

The next night it was on to the Caicos Cafe which I would've tried a few nights earlier had I not taken a left instead of a right and walked way down the street before somebody set me straight. When I finally made it on that night, the kitchen was closed. The great thing about being 6'7" is that people don't usually forget you (unless of course, you're a criminal and you want to go unnoticed so that you can stay out of reach of Johnny Law) and they greeted me accordingly when I did finally dine there. "You made it back!" the hostess exclaimed upon my return down the walkway of multicolored gravel and up the steps. I showed up in shorts and sandals here and felt just fine about it. Actually, you can do that at most of these places but at this one especially. It definitely has an island feel, but the menu has a sort of French/Mediterranean twist to it. Of course the seafood is great, and I chose to partake in a crab salad. The portions are huge here, so you don't feel nearly as bad when the bill comes, and you're definitely full. This place wasn't nearly as swanky as Anacaona, but somehow, the bill was almost as much. Don't come to this island on a budget. Upon that much we can be certain.

Although we had pizza delivered to the office at about 630pm so that we could continue working, I had a hankerin' for some more food at about 930pm so I trucked it on down to Bella Luna for some outstanding Italian fare. I hate to keep calling everything spectacular (it kind of takes away from the word, like when actors and actresses call each other "Amazing" whenever they are on the red carpet at awards shows) but it was. The food was quite good, but not the best Italian I've ever had, but coupled with the ambience it gets a definite thumbs up from me. I got there about 10 minutes before closing time and was still treated like a first class guest, and greeted with some peligrino and bruschetta almost immediately. Go ahead and kick me now for not bringing my camera to this one. The dining room sits atop a second floor patio overlooking a palm-tree lined courtyard accented with beautiful flowers. If you've got the loot and a date, you could win major points for booking reservations at this place. But then again, you're probably way ahead if you've got a date with you on this island.

You might say that I've saved the best for last, although any one of these places would've made my week in any other place. Arguably, the best food on the island, Coyaba was to be the crown jewel in my tour of Provo restaurants.
As it turns out, Coyaba is an Arawak Indian word that means "heavenly". That this restaurant was given this is a name is oh so apropos. First, however, I have a confession to make. Similar to the way that I've often got more month left at the end of my money back home, I was in a similar pickle here. I had one night left, and still had two must-visit places on my agenda to choose from. But how do you choose? Do you skip the best restaurant on the island so that you can get to the one place that is the unanimous choice by the locals, Smokey's, for the real live Turks Islander experience? You've already gone to several other outstanding restaurants with million-dollar views. On the other hand, do you skip the only true local experience when you're a person that lives for that kind of thing? A lesser foodie might have made a tough decision and chosen one. I got an early start.

The service at Coyaba, like the rest of the places was impeccable, but somehow even a cut above. It was a fairly small place but it seemed like there wait staff numbered in the hundreds. Servers and waiters were coming and going from all directions all the time. One of them brought me one of the chef's creations while I contemplated the menu choices. It seemed simple enough, baby carrots, slices of red peppers, and pita bread wedges placed just so around a dipping sauce. The pita bread wedges were warm, however, and the sauce was out of this world. I asked 3 different members of the wait staff what was in it just to make sure that I didn't forget. It was a white sauce (well, i think it was white, but couldn't really tell by candlelight) made from cream cheese, sour cream, and coconut, but somehow tasted like honey butter...but BETTER! I think I could've left right after tasting this and been satisfied. I ordered a lobster bisque that seemed to be the gold standard for lobster bisques around the world, served in all of its steamy perfection in a large white bowl with colorful designs around its rim. I accompanied this with a hearty duck confit salad and told them to keep the pitas and dipping sauce coming. It was really a shame that I couldn't stay longer, but even in that short time, I was very impressed. It's a good thing I did leave though, because it surely would've broken the bank. As it was I left there $74 lighter and hadn't even peeked at the entree menu yet.

So that you're not brow-beaten by my verbosity any longer, I'll summarize some other nice spots to drop in on if you make it down to Provo:

Lunch/Casual Dinner:
Mango Reef- a great bar and grill spot right on the beach with a pleasant dining area that makes a good soup/salad and sandwich.

Da Conch Shack- as authentic as you can be without being authentic, but deceptively good. (See my Who Stole the Soul in D's Daily). The Curry Conch is a must. Bring your camera because the views don't get any better than this.

Corner Cafe- A great sandwich shop attached to the grocery store off the main drag. Try the prosciutto if you go there a few times, but definitely do not skip the Corner Club or the Smoked Turkey Club.

Ports of Call/Dive Bar- these are right near the Caicos Cafe and they are your basic low scale eateries that still do a pretty good job on the grub, make a stiff drink and still charge you like you're at the Ritz.

Smokey's- This is the spot where the locals eat. If you like your common rib shack, jook joint, mama's-kitchen-soul-food-spot in any rural part of the Southern United States, this is your spot. Surprisingly, there aren't any $3 entrees, but if you haven't noticed by now, the economics on this island are all screwed up. Wednesday is Fish Fry night and the parking lot is the see and be seen spot for the brothas that like to play the funky beats out of the back of their jeeps.